I’d like to think that this isn’t just a writing advice blog, but a storytelling advice blog.  In that vein, I want to talk about a movie called, Slayers from 2022.  

If you watch the trailer for the movie, and/or read the synopsis for the movie, it sounds pretty rad.  A bunch of popular social influencers get invited to a pharmaceutical company’s owner’s house to talk about a branding deal.  Unfortunately for the influencers, the owners are vampires that want to turn the influencers, and use their platforms to promote their agenda. Unfortunately for the vampires, a grizzled, experienced vampire slayer is on their trail and is planning on taking them out.  

Doesn’t that sound like a pretty good action movie?  It’s not the stuff of legends, but it’s a fun movie for a Friday night with friends and popcorn.  

They’ve got a good cast.  Thomas Jane plays the vampire slayer, walking the line of paranoid conspiracy theorist and war veteran to a tee.  Abigail Breslin brings her own snarkiness to the lines of the vapid influencer she plays.  And Malin Akerman brings her brand of sexy to the role of vampire matriarch.  

If you decide to watch the movie, there’s a lot of fun stuff to admire.  Flashbacks on Thomas Jane’s character show the fall of a good man, and help to flesh things out.  Cut away scenes of animated sepia toned photographs gives us a quick look into vampire history.  Interjections by Jane’s character narrating the poor decisions of the influencers and nods to video game high score screens, all add together to give the film some pop.  

Sounds like a good movie, you might be saying to yourself.  

Unfortunately for movie-goers, it is pretty bad.  If you ask my wife, and I have to agree with her, I like some pretty bad movies.  I wanted to like this movie, but I just couldn’t bring myself to.  Many others agree, and are pretty vocal about it.  

I would like to point out that this is not a movie review, but a storytelling review.  So, what makes the storytelling so bad?  It’s the plain and simple fact that they are trying to do too much.  There are a few other things, like inconsistency, but the main problem is, they’re trying to shove too much into the medium they’re using.  

Since this is a storytelling review, let’s use more traditional storytelling terms.  For the purposes of this review, we’re going to look at Slayers as a short story.  Movies, like short stories, are meant to be consumed in one sitting, and are shorter (relatively), than the novel equivalent, a season of a television show.  

Like short stories, movies have to have a solid idea of what they want to accomplish.  Clearly, the writers and director wanted to make a fun movie, something reminiscent of the old 1980’s classics.  However, they also tried to pack in new lore for vampires as well, and they also added too many flashbacks, which take away from the present action, not only taking away the tension of the current situation, but bloating the story with excessive information.

Let me explain what I mean about how the tension is cut and the story becomes bloated.  As I mentioned, we get several flashbacks on Thomas Jane’s character’s background.  We get about a five minute long one that shows his daughter dying, and a clean shaven pre-slayer Slayer not being able to save her.  We also get a two to three minute flashback that’s the opening to a crime documentary show that Jane’s character hosted, a man with a beard and steely determination to find his daughter’s killer, and we see the shades of the grizzled, unkempt slayer peeking through.  This sounds cool, and it looks cool in the movie, mainly due to Jane’s commitment to the role.  However, in a later scene, where Slayer is talking to one of the influencers that got away, he explains how his daughter died, and about working on a crime show to find her killers that was ultimately being paid for by the vampires that killed her.  The line is given clearly and with feeling, and explains Slayer’s motivation in about two seconds.  

If the writers were going to have several scenes where Slayer maps things out with the influencers, and the audience, about himself and the vampire conspiracy they’re wrapped up in, then why have the flashbacks?  I mean, more stellar acting from Thomas Jane is always awesome, but the flashbacks are unneeded.  For one thing, Slayer’s clearly unkempt appearance, abrasive social skills, and cluttered RV, are all, mostly visual, shorthand for character expansion for Slayer.  The line with his motivation, given to illustrate how twisted this “family” of vampires is, is enough to nail down the character firmly in the film.  

Let’s be honest with ourselves, there’s only two reasons someone lives off the grid hunting monsters; one, they’re batshit insane, or two, they have a tragic backstory involving said monsters.  As people who are watching this type of movie, as fans of this type of movie, we know this.  There’s no reason to bloat the movie with unnecessary flashbacks to shove the fact down our throat.

Which brings us to the second thing that led to information bloat, the vampires.  There are numerous reasons horror movies are so easy to churn out.  One of the reasons is the permanent place monsters inhabit in the public psyche.  If you go up to someone who isn’t a horror fan and ask them what a vampire is and how you kill it; they could answer you.  That’s why you pick vampires, or werewolves, or a ghost, or a slasher.  As soon as you say that word your audience will know what’s happening and what’s going on.  However, the writers of Slayers decided to bring in lore about how only a vampire’s spirit is immortal and has to transfer to another body to survive.  Also, master vampires, older, more powerful vampires, have to be killed by someone in their bloodline.  All of this is explained by cutting away from the tension of the house and the obvious trap the influencers are in, to the grimy RV with Slayer and one of the influencers.  It also takes up precious time that could have focused on killing more vampires, or vampires toying with the influencers.  

Watching the film, it’s clear that the writers and director had a cool idea and a cool vision for a film.  Had they stuck making a fun, bloody vampire movie, it would have worked a lot better.  However, at some point they decided they wanted to put a spin on vampires, their own mark on the lore.  Which made the movie stumble, and threw off the timing.  Adding this to the flashbacks that, while good (not just the acting, but the cinematography is spot on), only serve to take time away from the current situation, the current danger, the current tragedy, and make the movie feel that much more choppy and cut-up, and the thrilling narrative of the story begins to unravel.  

Here’s the takeaway, know the constraints of the medium you’re using.  For short stories, make sure you know what you want to accomplish and stay focused.  

Be yourself, be well.  Write yourself, write well.